She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
