You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
