my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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