You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize