Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
