Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
