You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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