smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
