Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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