guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
