its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
