throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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