I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
