Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize