I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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