My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
