I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
