My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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