We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
