I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
