He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
