what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
