You made me cry and you don't even care
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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