haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
