First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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