did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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