Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
