Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
