The maid of honor just puked.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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