I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you had me at cake vodka
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
