I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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