If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize