That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
