Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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