I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
