too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
