Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
