My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my liver is dry heaving
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
