dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
