Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The feeling are messing with the penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
