Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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