I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize