I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
