but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
