You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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