Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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