My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
