dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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