Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
