im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize