Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
