you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
