The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
