Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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