Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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