She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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