He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
smell my finger.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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