I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
