so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
