Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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