theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
