I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
