he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
