So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
