Who wears a wallet chain?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
