College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
