if only i could text you this smell
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
