I puked a lego.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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