My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found the puke drawer
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize