When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
