i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
