I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
