He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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