I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
