Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
