so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
