my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize