No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
