she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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