i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
