but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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