Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
