the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
