there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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