There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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