Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
