tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
