I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
