Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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