Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
