just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
