Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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