that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
