pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im holly from the hills drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
