In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
