If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
