I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
