xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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