Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
