She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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