So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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