8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
