Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
