home. puking in laundry basket.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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